What If Pretending to Be Someone Else Was Actually Good Practice?
Choosing to pretend is different from having to pretend.
Dress-up looks like simple fun from the outside: a cape, a mask, a different voice. But for a child who spends real energy managing how they come across at school, pretending to be someone else on purpose, in a safe space, with you, is quiet rehearsal for a much harder disguise they may already be wearing without anyone asking them to.
Why Practicing a Disguise on Purpose Helps
- Choosing to pretend is a different experience from having to. On your own terms, with a way out, is not the same as performing all day without a choice in the matter.
- A costume gives a child control over the disguise. When it goes on, and just as importantly, when it comes off.
- Watching the Clever Girl hold her outside face for a year, and still win, changes the meaning of it. Holding it together is hard even for heroes. It is not a personal failing.
- It gives you a way in without asking a direct question. You can talk about the idea of an outside face without asking your child about theirs, yet.
What a Read-Along Gives a Child Who’s Always “On”
Watching a story together removes the performance pressure of reading it alone or being asked to explain it afterward. Your child gets to watch, with nothing expected in return — a small, low-stakes break from the effort of being watched.
This Week’s Story
This week’s read-along is The Clever Girl Tricks the Giant, one of four illustrated fairy tales in my Clever Girl series.
She goes to the Giant’s palace in a soldier’s disguise, and keeps it up for a year and a day. Not one brave moment. A year of them, in a row.
Watch It Together, No Debrief Required
Watch it once, together, before asking anything. Then, if you want to talk, try a question that stays inside the story rather than pointing straight at your child. “Why do you think the Clever Girl kept her scared feelings hidden?” is easier to answer than “do you ever feel like that?” The story gives your child a safe distance to think from.
A few worth trying:
- “What do you think it felt like for her to pretend for a whole year?”
- “What gave her away, if anything did?”
- “If you were her, what would have been the hardest part to hide?”
Today’s Free Activity: Create Your Own Disguise!
Using whatever is on hand — cardboard, an old hat, a scarf, face paint — your child designs and builds their own costume or disguise, then wears it and plays the character.
If materials are not available, skip straight to pretending. A different walk, a different voice, one choice at a time is a complete version of this.
This one opens out into something bigger too, for a child and a grown-up who sews. The printable has a QR code that leads to instructions for a full Clever Girl disguise. Those instructions live behind the subscription paywall. But if you found them through this post, they are a gift. Give us your email and we will send them to you, free.
Does This Sound Like Your Child?
This activity helps all kids explore a new identity through safe, chosen pretend play. It is especially good for children who have:
- Shame — kids who feel safer becoming someone else first, before showing you something true about themselves.
- Anxiety — kids who feel more in control inside a costume than they do as themselves. A disguise they chose is a disguise they can also choose to take off.
- Low Confidence — kids who avoid anything with a wrong way to do it. There is no correct disguise, so every choice they make is automatically the right one.
- Autism Spectrum — kids who find dramatic play easier with a clear starting point: a costume, a name, a role, rather than open-ended pretending with no anchor.
Why This Matters More Than the Costume Itself
- The important part isn't putting the disguise on. It's knowing you can take it off. The difference is that here your child holds the switch.
- The read-along and the costume work together. One shows a hero who held her disguise for a year and still won. The other lets your child try one on for an afternoon and take it off whenever they choose.
Try It This Week
- Watch the read-along together, then ask one story-safe question, not a personal one.
- Download Create Your Own Disguise! and build it from whatever you already have.
- Let your child decide when the disguise comes off. That choice is part of the point.
